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Opposition, Opposition, Opposition
Me and my hostel mate
Part three- I quit, I traveled, I conquered
Phone waiting at the other end of the line “tut, tut,tut…”
“Hey girlly it’s me,
What are you up to Mat”
Nothing much, you know me” Smile, Painfully.
Hey you wanna meet-up? let’s go for a coffee?”
Is everything okay Mat?
Yeah ……………….sure er………………………..I’m going to Japan!……………..”
Silence __________
What?”
Yeah, so lets meet,
Are you demon possessed?
Er, no,why?
Okay how about Hagen Daz in Leicester Square for 3pm?”
yeah sure.
Okay see you Saturday then.”
What I’m Black!?
From the moment she walked in the Hagen Daz cafe, I already knew what the rest of my fate would me. I was thoroughly at the mercy of my friend who was about to tear me down as you tear down. Tina(not my friend’s real name) was very upset and sad to see me go but most of all that I didn’t tell her earlier. And she was now having to find out 6 weeks before I left the country.
She wasn’t the only friend to chastised me. Alan (also not his real name) my closest buddy for over 15 years was like
“What?” How will you cope out there? There’s no black people in Japan you’ll be the only one out there” at this point I responded with
“What, really!? I’m BLACK!? Oh, I didn’t realise? Is it that obvious?” He didn’t take that very well but thankfully he still talks to me.
As we sat down, one February afternoon, in Hagen-Daz enjoying the various Ice cream, I began to tell Tina about my childhood dream of going to Japan my passion and excitement. She still thought I was demon-possessed.
I mean, who does that? Quit your well paid job and then takes on two part-time jobs. Including one working at Starbucks. Trade your one bed room flat for your friend’s couch and continue to temp so you could save enough money for the trip. Yeah well, I did that. I told her I wanted to put my self through a trial and experience what it would feel like to have multiple jobs. As that I may be one of my option out in Japan. I can’t tell you what she said after that.
Your friends ditching you or you ditching them!?
See I get it, when other people discourage you to do something you really believe in. Most of the time if they’re your close friends, it’s not because their against you. It’s usually one of the following reasons:
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They could be scared they’ll lose you
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Scared you will get hurt and disappointed and they don’t want that for you.
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They are uncomfortable with you not conforming to the norm.
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But most of all, they don’t have the guts to do what you do. Plus you might be the only true-life hero in they know.
So don’t hate your friends and family or ditch them they mean well but don’t know how to truly encourage you. However, if you have a great Idea that you want to pursue, you may have to avoid telling them for maybe 6 months-plus, until you totally saturate yourself and believe in your Idea. That way you would have developed some serious backbone. Plus ask yourself “what would happen to me if I didn’t achieve this goal, could I live with myself?”
The joke is – the following year Tina ditch me and took off to live and work in Barbados as a health consultant. Ha Ha Ha Ha…..Hilarious!!! I know. But that is a whole other story.
Bad News
So my scheme had been working according to plan and I had now saved enough money and research all my options of working and living in Japan. I was so Hyper! All I could think was now that I have faced my friends and family apart from my father, nothing can stop me now!! Not even death!
Had I spoken too fast and my adventure was about to get complicated. March 15th 2008, The phone rings, I picked up
“ALLO”
My uncle
“Mathy your mum died this morning”
Is your fear the right motivation?
“Do the thing you fear the most and fear will disappear, do the thing you fear the most and fear will disappear” One more time Mathy.
I’ve heard this quote a thousand time but still can’t remember where it came from. Yes, fear is that truly uncomfortable feeling you feel in the pit of your stomach right before venturing the unknown. For the most part, in my case, THAT means Everything!
I did 6 very uncomfortable things on Friday. 6 things I would rather not do again. I contacted 4 colleges and universities to talk about potentially delivering career transition stories. Then I also followed up on two local newspapers I had previously tried to join for a press release. I got no joy on the second. I almost have to reevaluate whether I was making sense. “Well how is that uncomfortable?” you ask.
The only other person that knew and understood my agony more than anyone was my stomach. Yeah, my stomach’s name is Eddie. And for the first 10 min Eddie growled in all possible languages. Yet, if Eddie could talk, it would speak fluent Japanese with all the incorporated kanji symbols. At worst he didn’t embarrass me and make funny noises in the middle of my cold calling. I know he will be growling again next week and the next time I have to pick up the phone or send an e-mail to the unknown.
My personal motivation is that in 2-3 months I will have more regular gigs for career transition stories. I guess my body is rejecting this unnatural experience. Almost as if receiving a vaccine. I know it’s good for me but “I’m bloody Afraid”!!!
As they say it takes 14 days to build a habit. For it to become normal and acceptable to your mind, you must actively do it for 14 days.
Sorry but that’s a lot of rubbish. I think you get use to it but that doesn’t automatically eradicate the fear I think it will take a little longer for the fear to disappear. Like six month maybe. That doesn’t mean you wont know the fear was there in the first place.
So let’s make sure the next time you feel fearful of something take consistent action and maintain it until you feel it is a normal part of you. Until you know longer have the regurgitating feeling inside your stomach. So how about we change that sentence a little bit “Do the thing you fear a little bit, everyday until it feels comfortable and then it will dissolve.” Maybe not disappear.
What motivates you right now when faced with fear? Is it -
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Money or the lack of it
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Inferiority complex
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Status or the lack of it
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Daily necessities food and clothes
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A place to live or a better one
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Relationship or the loss of it
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Happiness
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Fear of Failure
Or anything else please share…………..
I quit, I traveled,I conquered Part II
A Private meeting with myself
So you’re telling me you’ve never had one of those!? I’ve had plenty and I still have them. So I am seating at my desk, one afternoon at work, drawing and writing down what I usually tell my clients to write to columns with what you want and don’t want. Two columns, one with a positive sign and one with a negative sign. The tittle said “why should I go traveling and why should I stay in my job?” I wasn’t bored at work but rather intrigued by the traveling. So much that when I brought the book I covered it with a yellow cover so that everybody would think I was reading the bible at and I wouldn’t get caught by my boss at work. The table looked something like this -
Why should I go travelling and why should I stay |
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+ |
- |
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When I had more Positives, then Negatives and realised the significant reasons for my traveling, everything became clearer. I just needed to anchor it and help my decision be a valid one. I also started thinking of what I would like to do when I get there. With my lack of degree was it even possible for me to work in a country like Japan for a year or two. I knew I was tired of training people in the UK who weren’t grateful of the skills I had to offer and I wanted people who would respect me more for being a trainer.
I remember I couldn’t afford the book “Work your way a round the world” it was around the £20 mark. So I decided to come back two-three evening a week after work and just do some reading from the book until I could get the information I needed. So Monday, Wednesdays and sometimes Fridays I had an appointment at the Southbank skirting around in the book shop under my favorite spot where the book fell. Obviously this was a temporary measure and eventually I ordered the book through amazon online.
Clarity and secrecy
as I continued reading I realised that teaching English to Japanese kids was a very apparent choice. However I discovered I could also volunteer in exchange of accommodation and food. This book had everything information on visa and where to get them or what to do . All sorts, I could n’t believe my eyes. However, what I decided to do this time is to tell no one about my new venture. Especially my close friends and family. I just couldn’t bear being discouraged once again. I kept it for about 6 months.
Me outside the Temple in Akihabara
You know that look you get, when you tell your friends about some exciting new venture or project you intend to do and the first look they give you is to declare yo insane or worse. So every time a friend asked me “what are you up to Mathy” I would gently say” nothing much you know me” and smile. As painful and heavy as this was I needed time and confirmation to be able to face my friends and tell them the truth.
The only way to affirm your decisions and choices is TIME. The more time you have to bask yourself in the decision. the more it becomes a reality and the stronger you will be, to overcome your opposition.
Opposition, Opposition, Opposition, Opposition!! Can I make it?
Stay tune for Action and Opposition
I quit, I travelled, I conquered
Japan 2008
This book just fell on me in a book shop at the Southbank. I was in borders, I think at the time and as I picked it, up it said “Work your way around the world” http://www.amazon.co.uk/Work-Your-Way-Around-World/dp/1854582747.
My curiosity compelled me to open it, so I did. This was the beginning of something I had been seeking for unknowingly. I had been thinking about traveling and going to Japan, America and Argentina for almost a year now.
Japan however was a place I had heard and dreamed about ever since I was a little girl. When my daddy traveled through his work he use to bring a lot of souvenirs and gifts from all over the world. From America’s to Asia. My favorite expedition stories were the one from Asia where there was a little country which was very powerful in mind but not in size and it was Japan. I had an uncle that went to live in Japan for two years, when I was about 13 years old and that just stirred up the desire inside of me. When the book fell on me, I knew it was fate.
But all I remember, was the frustration and infuriating pain that I was feeling having spoken to my dad, sister and friends, remembering them discouraging me. My older sister’s exact words was” You can’t go to Japan that’s too far!? What if there is an emergency and we need you here”. My older sister and rest of the family resides in France by the way. As though I could use my spare wings to fly to France whenever I felt. Besides, it’s not like a the fare is like the price of a one day travelcard. It was obvious they loved me but didn’t understand my place in life at the time.
I had just came out of a bullying situation in my previous workplace which I was still recovering from. And when they paid me and offered me a generous bonus after I took off for stress, I had quiet a bit of money to play with. But for some reason I felt the urge to tell my older sister of my plans. I wasn’t thinking properly at the time I suppose. So one year, later I have moved out of my old flat which I adored, moved in with my best friend and was now working a new job where I was managing and training volunteers.
I haven’t spoken about this story for a while but I thought it would be useful for one of my readers who recently asked me a number of questions on a comment he made the last week. The question around making tough decisions and traveling. I thought he might enjoy this story.
Here I am in a new Job which I really enjoy and I have somewhat moved up the ladder but I am slowly realizing, I will not last another year or even two. So what now? Well this calls for a private meeting with myself. In the secrecy of my private thoughts. I begin to scheme and plan how I would quit this Job, go to Japan and conquer……….
If you want to hear the rest of the story, stay stunned for part II !!!
Wow!! The storytelling night, you should have been at.
Delicious
Delicious, Inspiring, Engaging, Lively. These are only some of the few words that can best describe our very first night of Storytelling. The quality of storytellers was simply amazing and divine you almost would have thought it was a networking event. The atmosphere was very chilled and relax, with a very engaging audience.
What happened earlier?
So the night before I couldn’t really sleep because I was way too excited. I kept waking up in the middle of the night to check if it was morning yet and it wasn’t. Just couldn’t wait for my next most exciting moment. Two hours before the event started I manged to leave the house on time forgetting the camcorder the first time and remembering just before I boarded the bus. I had to run back home, picked up the camcorder and this time left the folder I was holding in my hand. Once again when I left the house and got to the bus stop, I realised that something else was missing!! So I went home again. I felt like in my own personal sitcom.
The night was colored with a variety of storytellers from a business psychologist, Workshop facilitator, Teaching assistant, Editor and Support planner. As I read the feedback forms now I see the impact that took me three months of planning and contemplating. As they say nothing ventured nothing gained. One storyteller talked about; how she had realised she needed to leave her job the day she stopped smiling. This showed, she was no longer growing and learning and it was time to go.
The response was different for everyone some people didn’t know what to expect and yet it was a very positive feedback. It’s just what happens when you are exposed to something new and fresh.
Comments
“Having people tell their actual stories really brought the career transition cases to life”
“No, this was not what I expected, but that is a good thing”
“I look forward to the next event”
I could tell you more but I recommend you attend the next one or stay tuned for the audio and visual which was recorded on the day.
Tell it like it is!! is an extension of Whathejobisthis, a storytelling event which sees real career transitioners telling their stories to other transitioners or curious people in order to provide inspiration. This is done live in front of a recorded audience. This first event was hosted Wed 26th of July’s at the Blacksheep bar Crystal Palace. Watch out for part two!!!
You can now find us and like us on Facebook and if you like what you read why not subscribe and be the first to witness the birth of some amazing projects.
Like Us! Like Us!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/whathejobisthiscom/189838771065289
Count Down 54321….
Tell it
Only 4 more days to go before the launch of this event so excited I can’t sleep. Not that, I ever sleep around this time!? Will be handing a couple of flyers tomorrow around the local area. Next week my business cards will be arriving!!!
Nervousness is also very much on the horizon and as you guessed fear is too. I guess it is a pretty normal reaction when you are going through some serious changes. I guess it didn’t hit me until now that what I have been planning and rummaging in my mind might actually manifest into my reality and not into a the sixth dimension episode.
I know most people will not tell you this. Most people try to conceal, or hold together a professional image, and that everything is working according to plan. Sorry, but I don’t think I can. I am not most people and I suck at concealing certain emotions. On this occasion the emotion being fear. I don’t mean that I feel I am incompetent. Not in the slightest.
” No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
I believe that despite this particular quote, fear has felt very real to me. After 5 weeks of preparation,organised and premeditated the sequences to this launch every now and again I feel the fear and it’s almost real. but what do I have to lose. So far that has been the motivation. This is the full-time job I have been looking for. It provides me with a sense of passion and purpose that I seek.
So I acknowledge this fear, but I don’t necessarily accept it as my personal reality. Accepting it, might actually mean my personal defeat. And though monetizing has not quite come into place, going back to waking up everyday, on automatic, to a 9-5 is and will be the death of me. I will slowly return to my zombie days. I have never felt more alive, though afraid. Maybe what I should do is; as in the words of Susan Jeffers “feel the Fear and do it anyway”.
Mathy – Excited and Afraid
How to raise money for a pilot project?
She's awkward!!
Discovering new grounds
Do you ever ask yourself these questions: I would love to do this but I don’t have the money?
It’s too hard and too complicated, I’m not sure where to go? Have you ever thought of maybe breaking it down? You know if you have an idea or a number of ideas like Moi, Breaking it down is the best way to start.
Eating an Elephant
It is a virtually impossible task, which requires a number of discipline. In order to eat an elephant, you must do it one chunk at a time. You must ask yourself some very real and honest questions
What do I want to do?
Can I do it?
Do I have the appropriate resources and expertise?
Do I need to seek some or all the external resources?
Do I need anything to finance it?
So how much do I need?
Who would need to help me?
Where could I find the resources?
Don’t seat at home or at work and lounge around with untamed frustration, thinking of what you want to do. Simply because you are desperate, this shouldn’t unable you to best express and deliver those plans. It’s important to keep everything simple instead of winding yourself up about what you can and can’t do. This might be your chance.
My guilty pleasure
One of my favorite online series Awkward Black Girl http://awkwardblackgirl.com/ is raising money . They’ve had six online series, sell t-shirt and now are running a promotional campaign to expand their series. Through the help of www.kickstarter.com they are hoping to raise $30,000 in the next 22 days of which $12,335 they have already raised. Kickstarter is the largest funding platforms for creative platforms in the world.
So if you are an artists, filmmakers, musicians, designers, writers, illustrators, explorers, curators, performers, Kick-starter will help you to play with your projects, events, and dreams to bring it to life. Never knew about it until now.
Every Kickstarter project must be fully funded before its time expires or no money changes hands.
1. It’s less risk for everyone.
2. It allows people to test concepts (or conditionally sell stuff) without risk.
3. It motivates. If people want to see a project come to life, they’re going to spread the word.
So Kickstarter is great but it’s very much an American platform. The good news is we have similar online platforms in the UK. We have the following :
http://www.pozible.co.uk/
http://www.wefund.co.uk/why-use-wefund
http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/
The rules are very similar but I recommend you check each website to get the right information. Well it might not be the best way for me to raise money for equipment at present but none the less it is very useful info for the future or for anyone else. I strongly encourage it.
Cost effective resources
Finally at one of the blogging event that I went to recently I discovered a page called http://fiverr.com/ It’s UK equivalent is called http://www.clickfive.co.uk/
http://www.fivesquids.co.uk/?gclid=CKXJ2svajqoCFU0JtAodKGuLwA
A great place for you to buy or sell services from people for a certain skill or expertise they have for the rate of £5. It could be fall under the categories of funny and Bizarre, Social Marketing, Graphics, Advertising, Technology, Business, ….. You name it they might be able to provide it.
Have a look at these sites and tell me what you think
Acceptance
How do I accept my in-between job phase? Should I welcome it, should I roll in it(like mud and just get dirty), or should I eat it one chunk at a time the way I deal with most tricky situation. I say that cause lately growing in finding myself and not having enough resources has been major trouble.
Don’t get me wrong I look for work and job opportunities where the opportunity fits but I get real frustrated like most in-betweeners. No I’m not going to call myself unemployed as it comes with a stigma, certain feelings and an overwhelming sense of failure. No-one will force me to use the U-word. After-all how many unemployed person do you know who is striving to try as many ideas as I am.
I believe your words define you and clearly I want to be defined and known as an agent of change. Someone that makes a different despite not being able to have the resources. But doing with what I have. Maybe
Speaking of resources
I have been fighting the need to be complacent and procrastinate, by putting off any opportunity to blog since I would like to blog regularly but I have a very limited PC. I desperately need to get a laptop which will allow me to leave the house not only regularly but allow me to explore other outside activities without killing myself. At the moment, a lot of discipline is required for me to do most of my operations from home.
The rate at which my progress is happening and the rate at which I am updating my post is completely off-track. The need to update my blog and the finances needed to transform it into what I see in my head is off the record. You can’t imagine how much it frustrates me. I know I’m a perfectionist and most time that is what I seek. It puts me back to re-thinking ” keep it simple stupid” and that is what I am compelled to do. Which proves me once more that I can live beyond my means and the things I believe I need.
This brings me to my conclusion
With growth comes a certain discomfort I could really do with some suggestions. How could I raise money to?
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Buy a netbook
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Camcorder
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and find people to help with in the layout
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And people to help with production material
